On the highest shelf of my bookcase sit a few beloved titles — stories that have swept me off my feet with magic, romance, and profoundly complex characters. But let’s be honest: a good number of them are also steamy, sometimes violent, and definitely not PG. These books — A Court of Silver Flames, From Blood and Ash, Outlander — feature some of the bravest, most layered women I’ve ever read. But they also include mature themes that give me pause as a parent.

So the question lingers.

When are our kids “old enough” to read them? 

And what does “old enough” even mean in today’s world?

Rising Popularity of Romantasy and Its Appeal to Teens

Romantasy — yup, you guessed it, romance and fantasy — has exploded in popularity, especially among teenage readers. From TikTok (#BookTok) and social media, Goodreads lists and bookstore displays, these books are no longer niche, they’re mainstream. So naturally, our kids are curious.

I recently came across a heated Reddit thread that asked if a mature 14-year-old — who had already “done everything,” according to the poster — should be allowed to read A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas. The responses ranged from “absolutely not” to “let her read whatever she wants.” Some commenters argued that if she’s old enough to experience these things in real life, why not in fiction? Others were concerned about glamorized trauma, graphic content, and emotional readiness.

As a parent, reader, and someone who deeply values storytelling, I found myself torn — and reflective.

But It’s Not Just About the Spice - Why Kids Want to Read These Books

Before jumping to a yes-or-no answer, we should ask ourselves: Why does your teen want to read this book?

Are they curious about the explicit scenes they’ve heard about online, or are they drawn to the world-building, the romance, the power dynamics, and the emotional journeys? For many teens, these books are about more than just sex — they’re about identity, resilience, autonomy, and discovering one’s strength. They introduce powerful women, complex moral dilemmas, and emotionally rich relationships, and some of these heroes are as young as 19. And yes, some contain explicit scenes — sometimes tastefully done, sometimes not — but rarely are those moments the entire point.

Understanding your child's motivation is the first step in making a decision, if you think one needs to be made.

Reading as a Safer Space for Learning About Sex and Identity

When I reflect on my own childhood and teen years, fiction was one of the most formative ways I learned about love, intimacy, and emotional maturity. And in many ways, I’d rather my kids explore those themes through literature — where there’s context, character growth, and usually consequences —rather than unrealistic adult videos or unsupervised corners of the internet.

Books give us a buffer. They let young readers explore complex themes in a way that feels safe and private. When written well, even graphic content can serve a purpose — portraying trauma, healing, desire, or power in a nuanced way.

Still, not all books handle these themes responsibly. Some romanticize toxic relationships or include violence without critique. That’s why context and discussion matter. 

How Mature Is Mature Enough? It Depends on the Kid

There is no “perfect age” to hand over a spicy romantasy book. One 13-year-old might be ready to have a mature conversation about emotional trauma and consent, while another 17-year-old might not be emotionally equipped to process what they're reading. Maturity isn’t linear — and it isn’t always tied to life experience.

Ask yourself:

Is my child emotionally mature enough to handle content related to sex, trauma, or violence?

Can they distinguish between fantasy and reality when it comes to relationships, power dynamics, and consent?

Will they come to me with questions? Or do we have enough trust that we can talk about the themes together?

It’s not about shielding kids from sex or adult themes entirely — it’s about helping them process those themes with the maturity and critical thinking needed to do so safely.

The Conversation Matters More Than the Book

For me, it would be difficult to outright deny my child a book they’re truly interested in — especially if they’re intellectually and emotionally capable of engaging with the material. But if they want to dive into something like ACOTAR or Fourth Wing, we’re going to have some conversations first.

We’ll be talking about:

Consent and agency — Does the book depict these clearly?

Trauma and healing — How is it portrayed? Is it romanticized or respected?

Power dynamics — Are they balanced or problematic?

Fantasy vs. reality — Are they seeing this as entertainment, or are they idealizing it?

These books can open the door to some incredibly important discussions about boundaries, bodies, relationships, and emotional health. Ignoring that opportunity does more harm than good.

Will They Just Read It Anyway?  Yeah, They Probably Will.

Let’s be honest — if you say no, they might just read it anyway. Whether it’s downloading an audiobook, borrowing a copy from a friend, or searching for excerpts online, today’s teens have access to more content than ever. And if you don’t help them process it, someone else (or the internet) will.

So why not read with them? Or at least be the adult who listens without judgment? Sometimes, your willingness to discuss the “uncomfortable stuff” is what opens the door to trust.

There’s no single right answer for when a child should read romantasy or books with mature content. But if we focus less on gatekeeping and more on guiding our kids through the emotional and intellectual process of reading, we create stronger, safer, and more empowered young readers.

Yes, some books might need to stay on the top shelf for a little longer. But when the time is right, I hope I’m the one handing them down — with an open heart and an open mind.

~ The Fantasy Mom